Hey girl what you doing down there

As a blogger there is an implicit obligation to over-share fully disclose the gruesome details of any mortifying or horrifying runs. This is one of those times. This post will not have any pictures, because I want to keep my G rating.

My story begins with it was that time of the month*. In polite society we still don’t use biological terms, we use vague time references that have a shared cultural understanding. During that time of the month products are necessary to ebb the flow. Some of these products are used internally. Grade school health class stuff.

Did anyone know that these internally used products could slide out of you body in the middle of a run? Or that you would feel the slow movement, confused at first, before slowly realizing the gravity (ha ha) of the situation and engaging every muscle to try and stop the inevitable? Because seriously, I’ve been “a woman now” for a long time now and never once in all my times of the month has this ever happened. Until it did. In the company of other people. People who are not women. Health class did not include lessons on inopportune tampon disposal or is that a tampon in your tights jokes.

Ill-prepared for the predicament in which I found myself, I soldiered on as though nothing unusual was happening (bonus: if I’ve learned anything from Pinterest, it’s that I am so much stronger for having overcome adversity). Tell me wise readers, WWYD if this happened to you?

Title: Knock Three Times – Tony Orlando and Dawn. 1970.

*Men, as you read this, don’t say ewwww – be grateful that this will never ever happen to you. Really, really grateful.


22 responses to “Hey girl what you doing down there

  1. They have come out but not fallen outside my clothing (never run in loose shorts). I run squeezing my upper thighs together, hoping I am strong enough to defy gravity. It is a very weird feeling to experience.

  2. In lieu of providing a useful comment, I would like to say that I was sorry to read about your unfortunate slip…..out. (sorry, had to).

    I have no idea what I would do. Good on you for living to tell the tale.

  3. blaaahgg! i have endured a wayward tugging of “the string of terror” but never had it actually disgorge itself. (see how we can make this sound soooo frightening for the males of the species.)

  4. FULL slippage? I’ve avoided it by slipping behind a tree to correct course before.

    But I’ve yet to find myself in a situation where this happened. Now I am scared.

    • FULL. I might have been able to stop it had I been in an area with adequate shelter – or honestly thought for one moment it would turn into more than an annoying tugging throughout my run.

  5. On past runs, I have:
    – felt the sure and steady downward movement of such an item
    – feared its dislodging throughout a LONG run
    – hidden poorly in shrubbery to correct its course
    BUT, I have never had it fully disengage. That is no fun at all.

    I guess when you have been running long enough, anything can happen? 🙂

  6. Wow, I had no idea…

  7. I don’t think I can click “like” without feeling creepy, but as a fellow over-sharing blogger, I do feel the need to comment and say that this is hilarious (and also, that I’m glad I don’t have to worry about it).

  8. I did not know this was possible. I probably would’ve had to rush off for a bathroom because most runners know when you *need* a bathroom you *need* it.

  9. So sorry this happened to you! Thank goodness there is a Tim Horton’s or Starbucks on every corner of this city! Perhaps you should send your post to the tampon company–I see a whole lot of free tampons in your future…

  10. I know this is an old post, but I have to comment because I seriously thought I was the only person this had ever happened to. More than once, actually. Occasionally on my runs through the local city park I will come across a used tampon in the middle of the sidewalk, leading me to believe that others are silently suffering as well. (Yeah, I guess there are other explanations for that, but I prefer to believe this one…)

  11. I recently raced on day 1 of “that time of the month”. It was a marathon, I was traveling, and I only had pads. All I’ll say is that the risk of fall out are the better course to take, as opposed to the chafe-fest action of a long run with the alternative.

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