Fashionable country gentlemen had some cultivated wild gardens

Deadly Weeds (click for full story)

Three things I recently learned about trail running: 

1.  Mosquitos do not hibernate during the day and if you run on overgrown Northern Bruce Trails seldom frequented by humans you will be attacked by a swarm of hungry super bugs and if you don’t run fast enough you will carried away to the mosquito mother nest where you will be drained of all blood.  Or you will go insane from the buzzing. 

2.  If you run on overgrown Northern Bruce Trails seldom frequented by humans you will run through vegetation that will attack you, leaving red bumps, abrasions, and other battle wounds on your sensitive lower legs.   The surface wounds will itch for the next 36 hours.  You will pledge to wear tall socks and refresh your knowledge of toxic greenery before attempting a similar run. 

3.  If you run on well travelled Southern Bruce Trails you may encounter the Giant Hogweed.  This Giant Hogweed may be the last thing you ever see.  For the uninitiated, the Giant Hogweed is a “weed that can grow six metres tall, sprout massive leaves and produce toxic, blindness inducing sap is creeping into Ontario and parts of British Columbia“.  Reread that sentence carefully.  The sap from this plant can cause blindness.   The Giant Hogweed in the photo, compliments of the Globe & Mail, was found in the location of My Next Trail Race.  Perhaps I shouldn’t worry.  Not everyone goes blind.  Some just suffer “burns and permanent scarring”. 

Title Reference: Genesis – Return of the Giant Hogweed*.  1971.  *Seriously, they wrote a song about a time when the Giant Hogweed poses a menace of apocalyptic proportions, threatening the human race.  I stole that last line from Wikipedia.  Yes, this weed is so tough someone wrote a song about.


7 responses to “Fashionable country gentlemen had some cultivated wild gardens

  1. Beware of the triffids.

  2. It’s like that old expression, “what doesn’t kill you, blinds you, burns you and scars you for life.”

    And I thought I had it bad. At least there are no weeds than can kill me. However, your acid rain is beginning to corrode the stitching on my shoes. 😉

    • According to wikipedia, “it has also spread in the northeastern and northwestern United States and central and eastern Canada”. None of us are safe. Maybe the acid rain will kill it. Or turn it into a triffid.

  3. The title of most unlucky trail runner in Ontario will belong to the first to accomplish all of the following in one run: (a) run through a patch of giant hogweed, breaking the stems and getting liberal doses of giant hogweed sap applied to all extremities, (b) kick up dried raccon feces and inhale roundworm eggs floating in the dust, (c) get bitten by lyme disease infected ticks, and (d) get bitten by west nile infected mosquitoes. A large mammal attack, such as bear or cougar, can be substituted for any of the above.

  4. Pingback: Country Roads « RaceInPieces

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