When I get older losing my hair

I am a criminal.  It is just a matter of time before the city by-law officer apprehends me.  My crime?  Exercising in city parks.  More accurately, I exercise through the parks as I run from end to end on my many routes traversing the city.  A group of seniors were recently caught red-handed (footed?) walking in the park as a warm-up to their community centre fitness class.  Area residents reported the illegal class to the by-law office, who sent officials out to investigate.  I’m sure glad the area residents are keeping our parks free of lawless old folks.  I think they should target the delinquent mommy-and-me groups next.  The seniors refused to talk, but armed with a camera and a notepad the by-law officer collected enough incriminating evidence to convict.   As every good citizen knows, Municipal Code Chapter 608, Parks, states that anyone who holds events for profit in a park must pay the city $28.65 an hour.  A paid senior’s fitness class is an event for profit.  Lawbreakers face up to $250 in fines.  That’ll take a bite out of the pension cheque.  Think twice before you sign up for pilates in the park, you might be accessory to a crime.  In reading the fine print, my weekly run is not flouting the city rules, as I certainly do not run for profit.  Those fitness-crazed seniors though, you need to watch out for them.

Title Reference: When I’m Sixty-Four – The Beatles.  From the album Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. 1967.


4 responses to “When I get older losing my hair

  1. Hooray for bylaws! I mean, really, can’t those seniors find a cul de sac or deserted parking lot to use? Sheesh. Everyone knows parks are for reducing Co2 and giving people in planes something green to look at…NOT for enjoyment!

  2. I’ll pay you $0.01 for every km you run in a park (and then report you to the by-law officers).

    • While the idea of running for money appeals to me, my calculations indicate that I would need to run 100 km to earn just $1. To earn enough to pay my $250 fine I would need to log a whopping 25000 park kilometres. Something seems remiss in my math. Damn my reliance on calculators. I’d blame the school system but I’m so old we weren’t allowed to use them until 10th grade. Enough with the math, my new plan is to outrun the bylaw officer.

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